I believe if there’s any kind of God it wouldn’t be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there’s any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it’s almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.
[Celine in Before Sunrise]
When I stop I know I won’t look back. Because the instant my foot reaches the ground I’ll be nothing more then a foot hitting the ground. Nothing to see. Nothing to discover. Just that emptyness. Bringing nothing to the end of all this. These songs will stop fulfilling the air. And the air will stop blowing in my direction. And my direction will stop. Just another feet on the ground.
And you cannot understand what’s wrong with you. Because you need it. You feel that urge suffocating you every time you try to escape it. Your life starts being on an endless loop and you cannot take it out of your head. You just can’t. It gets you. It twists you. And yet you breath it. You feel it in your veins. Pulsating deep inside you. When you wake up it is the first thing you think about. And you live your day wishing it would end sooner. So you can do it all over again. You are trapped. And what once defined you is lost. No turning back. You’ve reached the point of no return.
And so you remain. With the notion of what your actions are doing to others and to yourself. But you remain. Faithful to that call. The one you know from the beginning it is going to ruin you. But you deny it when your are confronted. Because you decided long ago what are your weaknesses. And once you’ve exposed yourself to the kick there is not the option to stop and end it. You just do it. With every single muscle trembling. Your breathing rhythm hyperventilating. Salty sweat down your face. And you leak it. It tastes putrid. And then you finally realize your own flavor. Filled with shame.
Note: Images and video from Michael Fassbender and Carey Mulligan in Steve McQueen‘s Shame.
Tonight Meryl might win her third Oscar, her first since she played Sophie in 1982. Tonight she also might not win the award for the fourteenth time. She is the absolute winner nevertheless. Because in the slightly above average The Iron Lady Meryl shows us once again why she is the best actress alive. Probably ever too. There’s a certain intelligence in everything she does. Every expression. Every apparent random movement from her body. Every frame seems fully rehearsed. And yet no one can portrait a person as real as Meryl in a movie frame.
In a few hours we will all know if Meryl Streep will make her typical but irresistible humorous speech thanking the Academy or if she will just be applauding this years’ winner. Be it Viola Davis or Michelle Williams or one of the others. Because one thing Mary Louise knows is she will never be one of the others.
I have crossed oceans of time to find you.
Because Love will always find its path. There’s no way you can escape its demands. It will trick your mind like you didn’t thought was possible. You can fight it. Deny it. Lie all you want. But in the end Love will be victorious. And it will drink all your blood. Slowly. Tasting every drop that once pulsated inside you. You will have to realize that you are not the owner of your silky redness. It belongs to Love. And Love will always come back to declare its possession. And only the ones who fight it will be poisoned. Because Love will only taste this good if you believe it. And if you don’t be sure to expect an agonizing death. One where Love will suck every drop of humanity inside you. And you will beg for it to finish. And only at the very end Love will be satiated. And you will no longer be you. Just an empty body with an empty soul. No ambitions and no wills. All infinite. Loveless.
Note: The amazing Oscar-winner Eiko Ishioka, who designed the costumes for Bram Stoker’s Dracula 1992 movie, passed away last month.
José e Pilar Mural, Lisbon
Pilar Del Rio, married José Saramago in her late thirties. The man who won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1998 (among many others) was in his mid sixties and from the start it was seen as a controversial choice in the eyes of the media. For many she was the reason he left Portugal and moved to Spain. For many she was controlling his career choices.
And yet many knew nothing about the woman who was not only José’s strongest touchstone but also a strong woman who always stood beside him. Not one step behind nor further. Just the way all kinds of relationships should be. And yet people demonized her. Because she was a strong woman who loved a strong man. Let there be no doubt, Pilar is an inspiration to all human beings and that becomes obvious in last year’s documentary José E Pilar:
My first contact with Saramago took place in 1997 in an inauguration of a public library, I wasn’t aware of the genius I had in front of me. But the next year, inspired by a teacher recommendation, I read Blindness. Truly one of the best romances I’ve ever read. Only two weeks later after I finished the book Saramago won the Nobel Prize. And it only helped me getting totally hooked. I read and kept reading his romances till today. He is my favorite writer by far and has inspired me to write all the things I cannot express in any other way. For me Pilar was just a controversial person then. I didn’t have an opinion about her before, even with all the criticism from the portuguese public .
Yesterday I fell in love with her once again after watching the unique long version of the mentioned José E Pilar. She is the woman that truly understood the man and stood beside him with commitment and love. Maybe because of the couple’s differences people’s opinions were filled of incomprehensible fear. Never realizing how inspiring they are to, and I’m just going to say it, Humanity. Because that is a rare connection between two human beings. And small people tend to thrive on others’ demise in an attempt to make themselves bigger. And with their small minds they lose at their own game without learning how to love and respect each other also without ever becoming less of what they are and deserve. And that is what Pilar taught me.
And that is also one of the greatest lessons one can learn. When you are faithful to yourself and to the ones you love you can never lose.
Saramago and Pilar
P.S. – I was fortunate enough to have a reply from Pilar yesterday on Twitter after thanking her about the video she made as an introduction to the long version screening of José E Pilar. I felt truly touched by it.
PPS – I’d like to thank Nuno for the extra help while writing this article but also for being part of this journey
Brad Pitt as Billy Bean
When you have everything against your goal but yourself, what will you do to achieve your dream? Is your instinct worth trusting? Can you handle it? Will you hurt the ones you love in your journey? These are just a few questions that Billy Bean, a baseball manager played brilliantly by Brad Pitt, has to ask himself during Moneyball, a Bennett Miller movie. With a story that engages the audience, even if they are not a sport’s lover one, Pitt once again portraits a convincing man who fights his fears to reach the dreams he once thought he lost. With the help of a nervous newbie in business Peter Brand, played by a very assertive Jonah Hill, Bean tests the limits of his own nature. And what a challenge that is!